Hawkes Bay Kingmaker

In which we tie up loose ends

After rescuing the Bog Strider and clearing the Boggard camp, we made our way back to the Bog Strider camp. Being greeted by the ex-captive was a relief! He made it home safely.

While there was no monetary rewards (the satisfaction was more than enough reward), the Bog Striders were able to give us much more detailed information for our map, and this allowed us to make a decision on where to head next.

There really only seemed like one remaining threat that was urgent. Some sort of woman with no legs that had the Bog Striders concerned, so we made our way over to investigate.

We were actually greeted by a Boggard standing front of something massive, that looked like a tree, some forty round, lying flat on the swampy ground. When greeted, the Boggard bade us wait for the lady as she wanted to speak to us.

Some form of snake woman slithered out to see us. I wish I could say that diplomacy was the order of the day, but her first sentence was something to the tune of needing more slaves to serve her and then she cast some sort of spell.

Luckily nobody seemed to be affected, so we spread out and looked to end this decisively.

The snake woman had other ideas and proceeded to cast spells to hamper us and succeeded in trapping some of our group in some form of terrain, all the while, slithering away and keeping her distance.

Learion had the Boggard covered, so I immediately moved toward the snake lady, with Oret moving to my assistance. Io was trapped, but both our casters were free and casting away themselves (Imajica cast haste and Khan summoned a massive fire elemental).

Just as we got close to the snake lady, she teleported away, and re-appeared a fair distance away, way up on top of the tree.

Khan commanded his fire elemental to follow her and proceeded to summon an air elemental as well, while Imajica beckoned the rest of us over to him and used his dimension door to teleport us up to where she was.

With very little room up there, we were pressed right up against the edge and at risk of falling a long way down if anything happened. Luckily for us, Learion happened to her instead. With a couple of well placed blows, he cleft her in twain and another danger to our budding kingdom was taken care of

I have also dispatched all my followers to each of our outlying settlements to help bolster their defences.

Threats taken care of, we returned home to Shrike City to continue fortifying our kingdom so that attacks from the likes of Fort Drelev can no longer cause us trouble…

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In which we meet the (less than) mighty Boggards

Battleplans tend to need to be set and then remain fluid. This allows for some structure and then the ability to alter as required to ensure victory is yours.

Somehow, between Learion, Imajica and I we were completely unable to come up with a plan that we agreed upon. Instead, we simply teleported to the nearest hut and wandered round until we found an entrance.

It was at THIS point that we found out the Boggards skill in noticing things. That is, complete and lack of said skill. Learion and I wandered round the base of the hut, with two Boggards in a tree right next to us. Learion found the entrance and called out and I moved to joined him. At no stage were we spotted or heard…

In the hut was the Bog Strider leaders son, whom we promptly escorted out and Imajica led us back through the dimension door and the Bog Strider immedaitely thanked us and said he could find his own way home from where we were, now he was no longer a captive.

Magic entrance now used, we were forced to simply approach the Boggard village on foot, alerting them to our presence. The first guards were quickly cut down, so Io and I moved to the nearest mound (the Bog Strider had informed us the mounds were entrances to the Boggard underground holdings) and lifted back the leather flap to reveal a chamber with what looked to be a priest and his minions.

The minions were hard up against the wall, cowering in fear, but the priest appeared calm. Io cast a wall of stone to block off two of the three exits from the chamber and I dropped down and guarded the other, while Io, less graceful than he would have wanted, simply fell face first into the same chamber.

Outside, the sounds of magic and fighting were prevailent. Oret dropped into the chamber as well. As he did so, the priest summoned a giant scorpion, which immediately attacked.

While defending us, I missed the priest casting yet another spell. This time, the water that was merely a foot deep in the chamber at the time, suddenly surged up to the roof and washed Io, myself and the scorpion down the one remaining corridor, leaving Oret by himself in the chamber with the priest.

After picking ourselves up, Io and I found that the scorpion had followed us involuntarily, and was now stuck in the tunnel between us and Oret. With only one course of action, I attacked the summoned creature while Io held back. With it being trapped, the creature was not really in a position to be dangerous, and I simply put it out of its misery.

Once it was dead, Io and I were able to pull the creature out of the tunnel with some difficulty and then struggle (well, Io struggled, he had previously cast freedom of movement on me, so the tunnel was easy to move in) down the passge to the chamber where Oret was trapped.

Turns out he was not so much trapped with the priest, but the priest was trapped in there with him. By the time I got back in there, the priest was taken care of and the other Boggards were still cowering in fear against the walls.

With the priest taken care of, it simply remained to check the rest of the underground lair and find any survivors (we let them all go free as they would struggle to mount a threat now) and retrieve any valuables.

It was time to head back to the Bog Striders and see that the son had arrived safely…

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In which we meet new friends

Our travel is now into weeks. Time must be divided between ruling our kingdom and exploring the swamps around Fort Drelev.

By necessity, the ruling is done quickly as we must make the new additions to our realm safe for trade and most especially, for living in.

The ruling focuses on joining our realms together with roads and farms to support our growth. By gathering more lands and utilising them well, we have seen many people flock to our fledgling empire, and Shrike City has grown faster than we all believed possible.

Unfortunately, this may mean we become a target for other kingdoms, as Fort Drelev made so obvious, so fortifying all our towns with walls and defences is an absolute must before the luxuries can be added to make our citizens lives more comfortable. I think being alive is better than comfortable and dead!

Otherwise, it is slogging through a swamp we go. We are looking for boggards that cause trouble in the area, interrupting trade and making life difficult for our new city state of Fort Drelev.

As we explored, we stumbled upon a race of beings I had never seen before. I was assured that they were called bogstriders and were both intelligent and likely to be enemies of the boggards.

Khan and I approached them, after being asked to remove our weapons. Thankfully Imajica had a spell that allowed me to converse with them in their native tongue, and Khan, who has an incredible command over language, was already able to talk to them.

After brief introductions, it became obvious that these beings were not really warriors, but putting on a brave face and demanding our acquiescence. While I revel in the role of diplomat, I do not do so from a position of subservience, and sought to treat all as equals. This did make the discussions more difficult however and may not have been the best option at this time.

We were able to find out from their leader where the boggards made their camp and a good estimate of their numbers. It sounds as though there is about fifty of them, making this a sizable village.

It was also pointed out that the leaders son has been taken hostage, and in their passive aggressive style, we were bid to rescue him. While I would do so willingly. it seemed our best recourse was to do so quickly as there was no real telling what could have happened to him in between being captured and now.

With this mission ringing in our ears, we made haste for the boggard encampment and have started casting defensive magics on ourselves as we walk directly up to the camp…

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In which we meet old enemies

In our travels we were naturally very thorough. We explored as much terrain as possible to ensure that there would be no dangers (or prizes!) left undiscovered.

One such danger was the lair of a chuul. Having been attacked by one of these a few years ago, where Learion lost his horse and nearly provided a meal for it under water, it was deemed to evil to live.

Moving forward, I challenged it to a fair fight (and possibly with Imajica trying to lay bets in the background for some reason), but something in the grasses startled in (turns out it was Khan controlling the very grass we walk upon to inhibit our enemies) and it retreated into it’s cavern.

Following it in appeared to be a mistake as two more erupted out of the water from behind us, but between the lot of us, we have learned a great deal since those days, year previous where one such creature could trouble us and short work was made of all three.

Learion did, however, try to provide one himself as a food source…again!

Further travel found us deeper into the bog and we came across a large area that appeared to have been flattened by something massive. So Learion immediately threw a large rock into the water surrounding the area and proceeded to alert the creature to our presence…

It turned out to be a thirteen headed hydra. A monstrosity that we haven’t encountered before, but Imjaica understood their ways and informed us that the beast was best killed by blows to the, as the heads would keep reforming and doubling in number.

Khan provided some form of magical impediment and damage to the creature and Iomedae protected me as I went forth and faced it and I was lucky not to be hit particularly often before Oret and Learion, under the benefit of the haste spell, were able to cut it down.

Our greatest trouble was to come however!

We had previously encountered four large black dragons, flying as a group. They tormented us once, had one of their number find us again and attack us, although at the cost of its own life and finally, the remaining three found us as we set off their ambush.

At first, we thought there was only one as it surprised several of us by erupting out of a swampy patch of bushes. It immediately called for help and something about the foul beast terrified Io and shook the resolve of Oret.

Moving forward to the beast, I lost sight of Imajica as moved out of my line of sight. Io fled, terrified in the opposite direction of the dragon, Oret moved to flank it, moving freely through the dense terrain thanks to his ring of freedom of movement. Learion moved in front of me and Khan, in the form of a large air elemental took to the sky.

At this point, the remaining two dragons landed on either side of our party. Breaths of acid were flying through the air thick and fast, and even as I was calling on iomedae to bless us and protect us from acid, I was moving to slow to save everybody.

Oret flailed at the first beast side, unable to do much damage through the thick hide of the dragon. But Learion was nearby to Oret, and a plan formed. Iomedae allowed me to shared my sacred link to her power and I allowed the other melee to smite the dragon in my stead.

Iomedaes power is vast and that dragon felt the full brunt of it through fist and blade. I did my part by calling on her healing powers to keep Oret in particular alive.

As this was happening, a huge fire elemental appeared and fought for us, under the control of our druid, Khan. This bought us precious flanking and distraction, allowing me to heal while others simply focused on killing dragons.

Then we were smothered in a fog cloud, cast by another dragon. Oret was in a bad way and since he provided the killing blow for all dragon kind to see, he was the primary target. He wisely kept moving as I made my way over to heal him and Learion used the remaining power of Iomedae to smite a second dragon.

Suddenly, Io appeared near us, out of thin air and another elemental appeared behind the last dragon left alive. The timing of these events was fortuitous and through our combined skill and power, we all survived, more or less intact and the dragons were vanquished!

The glory belongs to Iomedae, however, I worry that these four are the children brood for something much older…only time will tell.

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In which the Gods ignore those below them

Iomedae must have answered my prayer. There was only one more room with a small secret room attached to it, and no more foes to face.

The room we came into immediately after slaying the barbarian was large and mostly empty. The only thing of note was the sarcophagus on a dais. This turned out to be where the original Armag was interred.

Naturally, the lid was lifted, and inside was a curiously intact body. Withered, desiccated, but surprisingly, whole and faintly recognisable even after hundreds of years. On the body was suit of armour and a heavy steel shield. Both glowed with strong magic according to our casters.

It was at this point that Khan found a secret room, so while the rest hurried away to search that, I prayed to Iomedae for guidance. Tomb robbery is something I have found abhorrent in the past, however, my Goddess does not seem so bothered my such mundane matters unless it directly concerns her in some way.

The silence was deafening.

After hearing nothing from her, and fighting my conscience, I realised that the shield was something that would aid me in keeping my party alive, so I moved to switch it with my own. At the last second, I remembered that Io could use mine, so he got that in the end as well.

The rest of the party made merry with a large pile of treasure in the secret room and then it was time to leave. A few false turns and a little frustration and we were out. Straight up to where Imajica placed his rope trick and rescuing the previously enslaved girls was followed up by immediately getting to Fort Drelev to see them safe.

Cara, the niece of Restov’s Mayor was found and teleported back home as well, apparently to a remarkably small amount of fuss.

With Fort Drelev still in danger from all sides, we discussed the best course of action with Lord Terrion Numesti. His suggestion was that boggards were infesting the swamps and causing both a restriction in trade and a danger to the populace. With a solid direction in mind, we moved out.

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In which gods battle above our heads

With the enemy cleric safely behind his wall of blades, it was look extremely dangerous.

I handed back Learion’s polearm since he was better equipped to utilize it than I was, which was proved very quickly when I made several unsuccessful attacks with it.

Our respective gods must have been battling for supremacy above us, and Iomedae gave us strength. Io kept us alive, Imajica threw magical lightning around, Khan provided magical assistance where necessary, Oret maintained a dangerous ranged presence with his shuriken and Learion thrust his polearm through the enemies defences and rent him asunder, while I cried out with the force of my god to focus his attention on me.

With all this happening, mighty magics were unleashed upon us, but Io kept us going, and he was cut down before he could get off his own heal.

A short rest was required and during that time, the blade barrier fell, allowing our resident magpie, Khan, to search the remains (he withered away into extremely old age before our eyes as he died), finding a few useful items.

Through the door we moved then. Immediately into combat!

The door was opened and we were greeted with the sight of dead barbarians lying on the floor, skeleton warriors lined up awaiting us and a large man in heavy armour with an ornate greatsword ready to charge.

Stepping forth, I took the brunt of the attacks from the skeletons and the large man. Khan flew past everybody into the room, taking a number of wounds in the process, Learion stepped up behind me to cleave his way through the skeletons that were approaching, Io cast a protective barrier of wind to stop the archers (which Khan then immediately stole and blasted us with…for some good reason I’m hoping!) and moved up behind me as well.

Imajica flung his magic prowess around like toys and Oret was locked in place unfortunately behind the rest of the party, but he still had his shurikens flying through the combat, lacing into any enemy he could find.

The massive barbarian cleaved through my armour with an ease I have never experienced, even when I was fighting trolls, early in my career! Blessedly the pain didn’t last long as I was knocked unconscious.

The next thing I know, I wake to find Khan whirling in his air elemental form near me and I’m now behind the barbarian and in the middle of the skeletons, having been trampled over.

From here, Learion took quick care of the barbarian, and the skeletons held little fear for a party such as ours.

Most of us heavily wounded, almost zero magical reserves left, we are in a bad way, but hopefully, we have stopped this terrible ritual from happening, whatever it was. All that’s left before us is another door, hopefully the last one in the catacomb, and hopefully no more enemies!

Iomedae preserve us from harm, but we still have to get back out and take those poor girls home! We can’t die in here…

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In which we find something not evil and still end up fighting

With masses of large ants descending on Io, I felt panic. Until I looked down that is and saw the quiet confidence in his eyes. As the rest of the party made their way round the walls and past the trap I had set off, Io simply climbed the walls quickly and calmly and made his way through.

Once safe, we made our way through the door at the end of the passage and ended up back in the room with the golem. It appeared that we had been round in a circle, facing dangers unnecessarily. With no choice but to sigh and carry on, we did just that.

Through the next door (bashed in, breaking my magical flail in the process) we soon found ourselves in a large room with a massive central pillar. Learion and Imajica made their way over to the central pillar, Khan stayed near the entrance so that nothing could surprise us from behind while Oret, Io and I moved around the room looking for more magically disguised doors.

Naturally, this is where things went wrong. We were ambushed as a hail of arrows flew down from between some stalactites and stalagmites, punching through armour and causing a quick assessment of our safest position.

Khan cast some form of powerful magic, revealing the very well armed and armoured skeletons and damaging them in the process and Io followed up with a simple, but extremely effective fog cloud, blocking their line of sight.

With Oret, Learion and me standing in front of the others in case the skeletons came down, Imajica decided now was the appropriate to try out a spell he had been working on. All we could see was him casting something into the fog and then the noise of swords hitting something.

Imajica informed us that he had summoned a black pudding. A moment later, he screwed his face up and informed us that we should move away from the fog cloud as he did not have control over the thing and that the skeletons may create more of them by slicing them up.

After a minute or so, the room decended into silence and nothing moved forward to attack us, so Io dissipated the fog cloud. With three spells, our casters had got us out of a dangerous ambush. Incredible.

A magically hidden door was found and through it we went (locked again, so destroyed it was) and found a room with pillars running the length of it down either side, and a man dressed in leather and feathers standing at the far end at the base of some stairs. He was identified as a divine caster of some sort, most likely a cleric of Gorum, and was definitely not evil, as I would have sensed it.

He called himself the final test, indicating that all we had been through prior to this was naught but a test to see if we could make it this far.

Finally somebody who we can actually talk to! Unfortunately that led us nowhere and we were left with little option. At this point, his words suggesting he was a test came back and while there was nothing obvious pertaining to the type of test, I decided to bypass it completely and simply scare him into letting us pass. I didn’t see the need to kill somebody who was obviously not evil.

He sighed at me! And then attacked.

By charging, both Oret and I were able to close in on him quickly, forcing him to move around us and defend himself with more magic, along with the previously cast magic (suggested by the regenerating he was doing from the wounds we caused him). A veritable wall of blades sprung up around him and is proving to be a deadly barrier, as proved by my inability to get by it, causing a large amount of damage and pain.

Learion has provided me with a polearm so that I can attack him, and Io is healing us all in the hopes that Iomedae will assist us against a chosen of Gorum. This is looking grim as most of us a sporting some wounds and I am only a good swing away from death, barely holding myself together.

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In which we take the long way round

The room was large, with four pillars and a high domed roof. In the middle was a massive suit of armour. Most likely a construct of some kind. This premonition proved true as soon as I stepped into the room, the thing activated and moved to attack us.

Imajica had informed us this was an Iron Golem and filled us with all the details he could glean in the moments before we attacked. It sounded fearsome indeed! Immune to large amounts of magic, resistant to large amounts of damage, requiring special weapons to harm it consistently…

Luckily for us, my god blessed my sword and this allowed me to damage the construct with more ease, and Learion simply swung his massive blade so hard that the thing was in trouble quickly regardless. What could have been an extremely difficult encounter, was dealt with great efficiency thankfully, but not before it pounded Learion a few times, leaving some impressive wounds.

A quick heal from Khan’s trusty wand patched him up and we continued on our way. There were two doors spotted and a secret door as well thanks to the sharp eyes of Khan and Oret. Since the doors were the obvious choice, we opted for the secret door.

This proved an unwise choice. We were almost immediately assaulted by fog, webs, unseen stairs and finally daemons! Massive things, with five arms and covered in spikes, they attacked us as we walked and let off some form of aura that Iomedae protected me from.

One was in front of me and then simply vanished. From the screaming happening behind me, it appeared to be attacking the party from behind, and Oret appeared to be taking the brunt of the attacks, saving the others from harm. Before I could move to help, another daemon appeared in front of me and attacked. Between Learion and I, we made short work of the foul thing (Iomedae be praised), but our path to the other one was blocked by some earth elementals that appeared to help us. Making our way past, I could see that Oret was almost dead. Somehow this thing had almost torn him asunder, so Io went to work and helped get him back in the fight. With my blessed blade and faith in my goddess, the other daemon fell quickly as well, the elementals swarming over it to assist in finishing it off.

Once past them, I led us towards the next room. This was a metal floor and a low curved roof. Imajica, fearing a trap, tossed a broken battle axe onto the floor, but nothing happened. I reasoned that anything that might happen must be further in, so I cautiously stepped onto the floor.

The cursed floor dropped away from me immediately! Luckily I was able to keep my balance and step back avoiding being trapped on spikes in alcove below the metal floor. Some quick eyes spotted some items down there, so with the assistance of Khans communal spiderclimb, I moved around the walls and moved the floor until I could rescue the items, before we made our way past the room.

The next room looked certain to have a trap in it, but for whatever reason, we didn’t find one. Probably a good thing! The large statue in the middle was looking directly at us as we entered, but after much testing and searching, it was revealed to simply be a well crafted statue.

This had a number of exits in here, but following one led us directly back to the room via one of the others exits. Leaving only two choices, so a lack of any other real options lead us towards the exit that wasn’t a locked door.

Through the fog again and immediately at the end of the tunnel was a sheer drop. In front of us was some form of chasm and a number of pillars in the chasm, all with rounded tops. These looked to be about jumpable distance apart, however, the spiderclimb spell was still upon us, so a more simple option of merely climbing around the walls was used.

As per normal, I led the way, ensuring that should anything dangerous be in front of us, it would meet my blade first. Unfortunately, the danger was present, but in a different form. As soon as I touched the threshold on the other side, I set off some form of trap and a massive gust of wind blew right past me, buffeting the rest of the group.

This buffet was so strong that it plucked my son, Io right off the wall and knocked him to the bottom of the chasm. He landed hard, and looked a little dazed, but the worst was to come. Angry swarms of huge, finger long red ants poured out of the ground and made their way towards Io! The only consolation I have is Imajica declaring that he can save Io…

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In which we discover the dark hides things to fear

With the rest of the party getting healed and back on their feet, it was time to take the fight to those foul women. Affronting my Goddess results in a sentence of justice and in this case, death was the only option.

Moving past the remaining daemon as it swung ineffectually at me, I engaged the women directly. They had forced themselves up against the wall, probably so as to make flanking them impossible. Evil they may be, but stupid they were not.

Spells of all sorts began to be cast at me, but my faith kept me strong, even while they were stripping the magical defences Io had place on me away. I kept them occupied while the rest of the group dispatched the last daemon and moved to assist in ending the evil threat.

Oret tied one up in knots using his now finely honed mastery of unarmed combat. Learion swung his greatsword mightily, hewing down foes and the others either kept up a magical barrage or ensured there was nothing else to challenge us.

Once defeated, we moved onto the doors. Imajica was able to open both doors with magics, leading to one tunnel filled with an ominous fog and another with stone boulders in it. Sight proved preferable, so the boulders tunnel was chosen.

The boulders were apparently supposed to be placed in similar sized depressions in stairs leading up towards the only door. Unfortunately, each boulder was bigger than the last and the biggest one, naturally, had to go on the top step. Several of the group (Oret, Io, Learion and Imajica) moved into the tunnel to move the boulders around. Finally getting the last one in, the top door opened…only for the previous doors to slam shut!

Khan and I were separated and trapped. With no locksmith, our only course of action was to bash our way through the door. Luckily, we had access to plenty of weapons that the dead barbarians were no longer using, so I hacked away until I was able to get Khan and myself through.

The others were waiting for us, not particularly willing to go to far into the next room, and for good reason. One door out, not counting the one we came through, and the only obvious way of opening it was a large wheel with a single handle on it, mounted on a beam, coming out of the floor. This part of the floor was covered in a sheet of metal, nestled between four pillars. It was obviously a trap.

That didn’t mean we didn’t have to face it, and with the faith in my Goddess pushing me forward, I stepped onto the metal sheet and started moving the wheel. This set off the trap of course, but luckily, I was able to cast a protection spell on myself that allowed me to ignore the cold damage from the trap as I turned the wheel. This could have been deadly to somebody else, so I thanks Iomedae for guiding me towards this, saving others from a painful fate.

Through the door, and Imajica was able to identify the spell being used in here as some form of ward spell (he knew it, but I was never much of an arcane scholar) which could lead to us being confused at intersections, fog blocking all forms of sight, webs in areas and doors covered by some form of glamour.

Our options are limited, so down the passage we go, reaching our first intersection. Deciding to simply follow the leader, and therefore keep together as a group, I turned left, hopefully, and headed further in. To a small basically empty room.

Back the way we came and turning left again, reasoning that would take us straight ahead from our original entrance we came to a dead end. Khan’s sharp eyesight found the door in front of us, however, it too proved to be locked. With our trusty borrowed barbarian weapons, Learion hacked through the door on his side while I whittled away at the door on my side.

Entry gained, I stepped through…

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Meanwhile, back in Shrike City
A noble barbarian passes the time

Ah, Shrike City. Of all cities that I have conquered, founded and led, this is my favourite!

Women! Beer! Tales of greatness! Fights! This has them all.

I, Durz the mighty, have blessed this fine city with my might. My name has become famous and the people love me.

Khan, my friend and the one the people look to when I am away has just left again, to continue with the errand that will help make this place a little safer. The warrior Learion, with his pleasingly, ever larger, mighty sword leading from the fore, as I showed him many years ago, the elf, witty as ever, left with his usual parting words (I really must educate him some more…he does seem to keep getting friend and imbecile mixed up. Unless…imbecile is the elven word for mighty companion?! This must be it! I have mastered a new language. I shall be sure to greet him in kind when he returns), Oret of the mittens, little Io (I fear this one is shy…I keep buying him women and he looks confused each time at this great gift) and his father, the mighty paladin (and really, really uptight!) have all joined again.

The city has been in good hands while I was enjoying the local wenches and ale, but alas, it is time to rule again. The people of this fine city need my guidance and guidance they shall have!

Tomorrow, after the ale has worn off…

In the mean time, Oret has a sister! What a woman! She accepts NO coin, but I am sure that I will find the amount that releases her inhibitions. While I find that though, I have been putting in a good word for Learion. A mighty man with a fine choice in killing deserves a wench to come home to, and Ekho should be just such a wench. I have been filling her with tales of Learions glory in battle and bed with equal measure and she seems to enjoy these tales! Her face tells of her intetest, mouth agape with hunger and face red with delight…it is the tales of Learions bed exploits that seem to excite her the most!

I will bed her first so that Learion finds a compliant woman waiting for him. Only a good friend would do this, and I, Durz the mighty, am the BEST of friends!

But maybe tomorrow…my head hurts and the light is too bright…

Rest assured my friends, the mission your complete for me and my city is vital to its safety and you shall be well rewarded on your arrival home. Try to leave some of the killing for me and I shall see you in the Great Horde in the Sky once again.

A bear skin! I promised Oret a bear skin! I must get this to show his favour he has earnt in my company.

But, tomorrow. Ale, wenches and bed await right now…

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