“BY THE GREAT HORDE IN THE SKY!”
Durz looked over the lake and stared at the whirlpool. It was growing bigger as he watched. He hefted a rock and sent it skimming out into the whirlpool.
“QUICK! GET ME ALE AND WOMEN!”
Durz threw coins at the nearest woman and turned away, knowing that the clearly awestruck damsel’s expression was one of adulation at seeing her hero, Durz, in the flesh. In fact, a flesh he was happy to show her more of…
…where the hells was his beer?
He turned and found the woman still standing there. Clearly she felt she was worth more money. Durz tilted his head. She might be if he had enough to drink.
“FINE, TAKE MORE MONEY.”
He thrust several more coins into her hands and got ready to enjoy both women and ale in front of this spectacular water feature. He was sure it hadn’t been here last time. Obviously his magnetic charisma drove the people of this village…what the devil was this place called again…to create this whirlpool in his honour.
Then the shawl clad vixen (how the hells was he supposed to remember her name while she wore that?!) decided a dip in the lake was in order, but she soon looked troubled.
“FAIR WENCH! I SHALL SAVE YOU!”
Durz leapt into the water, armour and all, only to find her walking out unharmed. Following her however, was a huge watery looking swan. Those other little people who followed Durz to bask in his glory and adventures suddenly stepped towards the lake.
“NEVER FEAR FRIENDS, I HAVE THIS UNDER CONTROL!”
He felt the righteous rage build inside as this huge watery pheasant denied him time with his beer and woman, and that same rage increased his size as he grew larger and larger until he was almost twice his normal height.
Swinging his mighty blade, he cleft large swaths of water from the thing. It was unable to survive the mighty barbarians rage long and disapated back to where it came.
Clearly the battle was won and the town had summoned a huge earth elemental in Durz’s honour as it rushed into the village and returned with the beer and woman he had been bellowing for.
For some reason, the tea-cup sized human that kept drawing scribbles into a note pad delighted in shooting a poor helpless swan (the real bird, the the giant watery tart Durz destroyed) with crossbow bolts. To each their own…
A small man waving a swivel stick at the birdy looked thankful to be in Durz’s presence so, Durz took him under his wing and showed him the ways of woman, ale and money at the local tavern.
Time blurred into fun (for EVERYONE) and for some reason, Durz’s old party members showed up. Standing up, he loudly greeted Imajica and in what can only be described as profound thanks on the behalf of the little elfy wizards for the heroism of Durz, he bought a round of drinks for the entire bar…
*For some reason, Durz has no recollection of any events after this moment, with one notable exception…the mighty Oret, he of the thundering mittens, arrived wearing the bear skin Durz had carefully harvested in his honour.